爆笑中的感悟：《非诚勿扰》征婚启事英译版(双语)

人生处处有乐趣。你还记得冯小刚电影《非诚勿扰》中那段很经典很搞笑的葛优饰演的秦奋写的征婚启事吗？想过这样一份京味极浓、调侃与真诚都有的东西翻译成英文会是啥个样子吗？

最近有网友翻出这则征婚启事的英文翻译版，充满“包袱”和乐子，这里有大家共享：

他的征婚启事是这么写的：

Here's his announcement looking for a bride。

你要想找一帅哥就别来了，你要想找一钱包就别见了，硕士学历以上的免谈，上海女人免谈，女企业家免谈(小商小贩除外)，省得咱们互相都会失望。刘德华和阿汤哥那种财貌双全的郎君是不会来征你的婚的，当然我也没有做诺丁山的梦。您要真是一仙女我也接不住，没期待您长得更画报封面一样看一眼就魂飞魄散。外表时尚，内心保守，身心都健康的一般人就行，要是多少还有点儿婉约那就更靠谱了。心眼儿别太多岁数别太小，允许时常有不切实际的想入非非，但三句话就能给轰回现实还不气脑顶多有点儿难为情地咧嘴一笑就该干吗干吗去了。我喜欢会叠衣服的女人，每次洗完烫平叠得都像刚从商店里买回来的一样。说得够具体了吧。

If you are looking for a handsome guy or a wallet, don’t reply; If you hold a Master's degree or higher, not possible; girls born inShanghai, not possible; female entrepreneurs(except small business hawker)， not possible, so that we don't waste each other's hope。The Andy Liu or Tom Criuse kind, ,who are both wealthy and good-looking, would not make an announcement looking for you. Surely, I don't expect a Notting Hill story either. Even if you're indeed an angle, I won't be able to handle you---I don't expect that you looks like that girl on the magazine cover, just one look crushing people's souls。An average person, with outside stylishness and inside conservativeness, with fit body and mind, will just do, even better if you're beautifully shy. You need not to play too many tricks or be too young, from time to time, you're allowed to have unrealistic dreams, but a few words is enough to get you back into reality without getting you angry--a little embarrassed grin at most, and then do what you ought to do. I like a woman who knows how to fold clothes in a way that whenever you finish washing, ironing and folding them, they will look just like when you bought them from stores. It cannot be more specific than this, can it?

自我介绍一下，我，岁数已经不小了，日子小康，抽烟不喝酒，留学生身份出去的，在国外生活过十几年，没正经上过学，蹉跎中练就一身生存技能，现在学无所成海外归来，实话实说应该定性为一只没有公司没有股票没有学位的“三无劣海龟”。性格OPEN，人品五五开，不算老实人，但天生胆小，杀人不犯法我也杀不了人，伤天害理了自己良心也备受摧残，命中注定想学坏都当不了大坏蛋。总体而言基本上还是属于对人类对社会有益无害的一类。

Let me introduce myself for you. I'm a man whose age is no longer small, living a moderately well-off life, who doesn't drink but smoke. I went abroad as a student and spent more than a decade living abroad, but never attended a real education. In wasting time, I learned all sorts of ways to make a living. Now I returned with no achievement at all. To tell you the truth, I should be judged as a “Fake Turtle" without the three--No company, no stocks and no degree. My personality is open; My character is neither good nor bad. I'm not exactly an honest man, but I am without much courage since I was born. Even it is not illegal to kill, I wouldn't kill anyone. My conscience will be tortured by the guilt if I do anything cruel to others。I am meant not to be a villain, even if I try to be one. In general and basically, I'm still one of those who are beneficial and harmless to the mankind and our society。

有意者电联，非诚勿扰

Contact me by phone, if you're the one。

编者点评：其实无论是《非诚勿扰》电影中的这则诙谐中透着无比真诚的中文的征婚启事，还是网友翻成的英文白话版，都暴露的是人们对于美满爱情和婚姻的渴望与憧憬。时下剩男剩女过于“流行”，也造就了江苏卫视《非诚勿扰》节目的红火。非诚勿扰，看来世人都知道感情之事、婚姻之事不可当儿戏，奉劝每一位单身人士谨慎对待婚恋、非诚勿扰，清心等候上帝所给你预备的那位，自然是美满结局，不要到处流情，满身创伤，空留许多遗憾。